"Ching Ming"

I had to blog about this even though 3 days had already passed from the event above. 


It was 7am and I woke up because of he urge to go ease myself. At the same time, mum received a call and I was thinking who on earth would call in the early morning. The I heard her say, "Aiyo... What time?" with a sadden tone. I started to panic a little because my friend's close uncle has cancer and it's pretty serious. So my mind was juggling with those kind of thoughts. After easing myself I came back and crash on my bed again. Then mum asked, "Children, you want to go visit your grandparents' grave or not?" 
          I was super reluctant at first and was very angry with "A-Yi" for calling on the last minute and disturbing my beauty sleep because I couldn't sleep early that night and ended up sleeping at 2am in the morning. I only had less that 5 hours of sleep T.T 
Then the question became a demand and Zan and I were forced to get up and get ready to go visit our grandparents' graves. The Christian department of Fairy Park was very peaceful even though we knew that 6 feet under contained many, many, many corpse and who know most of them had already turned into skeletons. But it was very peaceful. And I found out that Ama died when I was 5! not 6! We didn't do much at Ama's grave. 
       Oh! Relatives who were with us were: A-Ku, A-Kim, Ah Boon, and A-Yi. Right after that we went to Setia Alam, Great Oil Stick restaurant. Mum was driving, following Ah Boon's tail and they circled and circled around Setia Alam shops and finally found the place. It was A-Yi's idea to go there. So we had a lot of food and A LOT of Yu Char Kuey. Crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Hmm.. Mm.. Yummy!
      I saw that they had Bu Bu Cha Cha, and I immediately ordered that. 

Bu Bu Cha Cha

It wasn't as delicious as the one I had in Seremban in JS. Let me see if I have the picture of Su Ee eating it. 

Su Ee eating Bu Bu Cha Cha

Yeap, that's how yummy it looks like. Haha! So then after that average-late, heavy breakfast, we went to A-Kong's grave opposite Southern Park. He died when he was 37 and when Mum was 2 months and 12 days old. Seriously sad case for her. But she doesn't seem to be too sad about it. Since he was buried in/on a public land, we had to do the cleaning ourselves. Each of us took turns to sweep and cangkul the leaves and grass abd wash the tomb stone. I helped arranged the flowers and it was my first time doing it so A-Yi and A-Kim was like; "no, don't do it like that. Some must be short, some must be long, don't put such a big roll of newspaper. Cannot let people see wan la..." of course they spoke to me in Mandarin and well, I was happy that I came to visit the graves. 

A-Kong's grave & check out those flowers =P

Zan and Me

So yeah, that day was fruitful and right after that we visited "Tua-Yi" who was not feeling well (that was why she didn't join us). Right after that we had to send A-Yi back home to Rumahku and I slept there for a good solid hour. I was woken up by a call from University Malaya asking me my results and stuff. Well, sorry to disappoint them but I don't want to go to UM in the first place! A-Yi then blessed me with RM300 to prepare my going into Form 6. Seriously, she's the only one single among the 6 siblings and the richest among the 6 siblings. And thank God for her despite her authoritative spirit, God has healed her from cancer too. And she has been the one helping and blessing my family financially. 

Thank you Lord for A-Yi. AMEN!

Broken & Blessed

Jacob. SOS Youth Camp 2011 learned about Jacob. How God broke him so that he would not run away but face his problems and he was blessed right after that. Receiving my SPM results on the 23rd of March; I was super nervous. When I got my result, I was not surprised. I was not sad. I was just simply "stoned". 
          In my mind, I honestly expected to get 6 As. But I got 1 less. But in my heart, I've been hoping for a miracle. Like how God has shown his abundant grace to me through UPSR and PMR. He has blessed me so much. But SPM is different. I am no longer a kid. I'm growing up. I can really feel that God is raising me up through life's circumstances. 
          God broke and blessed me through my SPM results. He broke me through my poor results of Cs and Bs. I'm honestly quite happy with my results. It's just that the expectations from people especially those who had seen me grow in church. They saw my 5 As in UPSR and my 7 As in PMR. So they would of course see me as a bright student who will definitely do the same for SPM. I was seriously broken when I started to think,

• "What would they think of me?"
•  "What will they say?"
•  "They expect me to get straight, how would they respond when I tell them?"

 All these stupid questions started popping in my head.

           The moment I entered Papa's car, I cried looking at my result slip. (Which is somewhere around here =P) My hope to go to Methodist College is no longer there. That was actually my dream. In the end, I am going to STAR to do my Form 6. Reaching church that day, I went to aunty Jane to show her my slip. Finally, to Mama. She was obviously not satisfied and she told me that if I had worked harder, I could score the straight As. I agreed. But what's done is done and there's no use to scold me about the past. One thing on the down side of Mum is that her method of edifying, is not edifying at all. LOL! She challenges me by using what I did in the past, inputting regret. That, I really hate. 
           Continuing from the church office, I went up to the prayer room. I played the piano and sang a few songs of praises to God and when I couldn't take it much longer, I laid down flat on the carpet floor and cried, thanking God like 10 times. (I lost count) It's a really hard lesson for me to learn yet God was really gentle. The reality of me not being able to me admitted into a college was so saddening. And the fact that my laziness had caused me this. Indeed, I reap what I sow. Gently God taught me to be humble and to be more hardworking. 


         Now, to the blessing. The subject that I almost always failed, I got a B! I expected that to get a C but God blessed me anyways. And I got A1 for my GCE level (Cambridge). My English teacher called and told me that only Nandini and me got A1 for that. I was happy for that part. The only 2 who scored A1. And I got A for my BM too. Not attending Delta tuition for BM and still could score A was a total blessing from God. In fact, like I've mentioned before, I was the only one from my class who did not attend a single tuition. Getting 5 As is really a blessing. 
            Now, off to Form 6! I'm looking forward to it and I'm gonna make sure that it ain't gonna be the same in 2010. All glory to God in the highest! Amen!

I Can Face Tomorrow

Because He lives

I can face tomorrow
Because He lives
All fear is gone
Because I know, I know

He holds the future

And life is worth the living 

Just, because He lives

Indeed, I can face tomorrow, (SPM Result Day). 

Lord, you're so good. Even though I set out to seek other things to distract me from my nervousness and anxiety, you still wait for me until I turn to you for comfort, for assurance, for love. 

       God, how much more can I thank you? I can't thank you enough! Whatever it is on that piece of paper, I give thanks to You in advance, knowing that you hold my future and life is worth the living because Jesus, You LIVE! In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN!!

5 Loaves and 2 Fishes

I just have to blog about this!

Yesterday, I was browsing through www.ymiblogging.org and I was looking through the music department. Then I came across a music animated video of the song 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes. The song is beautiful and really it speaks to me. But I wasn't really into it even though it spoke to me. I was faced with reality yesterday concerning my future study after I get my SPM result. I really want to go to college especially Methodist College at the same time I do not want to borrow from anyone the money. 

             My mum got me and Zan this edu-save account in Hong Leong bank. We all thought that once we reached our 18th birthday we can retrieve the money that we have been saving since we could start walking. But No. We have to wait till our maturity date. And mine is in August! That would be too late for me to sign up for College! I was really angry and frustrated yesterday. And I really don't want to burden my parents any longer. Mum said "Your dad will find somehow find a way to have the money to send you to college."

              It saddens me just thinking about my dad spending money on my college. He already has to pay for my drivings class, and he told me he's gonna get me a car! And contact lenses. So many things to spend on. 

             Mum has already saved for me since I was 4. And the bank has been doing their job on taking RM20 every month from my savings for my education. And so calculating all that, I can afford to go to college to study A Levels. Mum asked me whether I would like to continue to Form 6. With being a doctor in my mind, I would need to study like mad if I want to score the 4 flat to enter into a medical school. Vennesa shared with us girls in JS that she was in depression and almost had to see the doctor because she wanted to venture into the medicine field. I do not want to be like that! 

           Coming back to 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes. 

Is God trying to tell me something? That even if I don't become a doctor, God can still use me in a very big way, as big as a doctor's service can be? Yesterday, that video. Today Our Daily Bread with the passage on John 6:4-14. The story of Jesus feeds the 5 thousand. Another time today. The article that goes with this verse shares about a Sunday School teacher who reached out to a young man who became an evangelist to evangelized to a man who now we know as Billy Graham. It all started with that Sunday School teacher. 

           So what is God speaking to me about this couple of days? I know deep down in my heart that God has created me with a purpose to do something big for Him with my life. Becoming a doctor is my first option and my priority one. Next a teacher. But what if God's will for me is neither? I can see that I can impact many people with becoming a doctor or a teacher.What if it's neither? I really need a clear cut answer. SPM results are coming out soon. Need to register into college soon after. 

            Oh Lord, my God. I need a clear answer from you.
5 Loaves and 2 Fishes...

I know Lord. I surrender. All my inhibition and ambitions. I surrender. Lord, you show me you will for my life. I just know that you have something big planned for me. And I feel the burden that Myanmar is part of it. Lord, let me rest in your peace and help me focus n\on you all the way through. Forbid me from planning my own future without you in the center of it. Forbid me from planning my future depending on my own strength and rejecting your guidance. Keep drawing me closer to you as I walk this path, planning and growing into my future.
 In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

This is the video of 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes.

A Very Interesting E-mail

Re-entry from Jeremiah wasn't so bad... except reconnecting with my mum. I don't know why, but my mum and I tend to quarrel a lot over small matters that don't matter at this present. 


Thinking of what to blog nowadays. Just can't get any inspiration and I think I am not used to staring at the laptop or monitor for quite a long time since I didn't do that for almost 2 months. But as I was determined to clear up my emails I came across one which is really cute and would love to share with all you readers out there. 


"What does LOVE mean?" by 4-8 year old kids

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

---

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

---

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

---

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

---

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

---

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

---

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

---

'Love is what's in the room with you atChristmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

---

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

---

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday..'

Noelle - age 7

---

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

---

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

---

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

---

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken..'

Elaine - age 5

---

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer thanRobert Redford.'

Chris - age 7

---

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

---

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

---

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

---

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6

---

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8

*************************************************************

See how cute and also meaningful these kids can be? I love a few of them especially Billy, Terri, Chris, Lauren and Mark's. Their's are the cutest of all! And this e-mail got me thinking as well. What does LOVE mean to me? This will help me be more patient towards my parents as they grow older. Need to be more sensitive towards their emotional needs particularly. God be my helper! 

Birthday at Jeremiah School

Really, my birthday in JS wasn't what I expected at all. To be really honest here, I was expecting something more grand than I usually have back home. Sure, there was cake and I also celebrated it with my bro in Christ Ian who was also born on the same day as me. But we were so busy that night; preparing for the presentation the next day to be presented to the congregation of Living Water Sanctuary. In the midst of planning they brought the cake and sand the song. That was the climax. Let me start from the beginning. 


       The girls were whispering to each other that night. I knew they were up to something. When I woke up on 19th of February, one by one wished me "Happy Birthday" and I was still in my sleeping bag. What the girls initially planned was to wake up at midnight and wish me Happy Birthday but failed cause everybody was too tired and they didn't hear Becky's alarm. Chris heard but Becky didn't and everybody just couldn't open their eyes. LOL! PLAN FAILED! 
              I called mum after doing my quiet time. Talked a lot and ended the conversation. Went back into the room and found a thick journal with a turquoise cover and the word "peace" on my sleeping bag. I flipped it through and it was mentoring group's gift to me with  4 pages of wishes from Venn, Bea, Becky and Dee. (Thanks you guys!) 
           Later the other mentoring group gave me another journal which design was more complex and it was thinner and smaller. Still, I loved it also. (Thanks Eva, Su Ee, Cindel, Rachael and Chris!) 

Left: My mentoring group,
Right: The other mentoring group

That whole day, I remember it was quite serious. Despite it was my birthday I still have to focus on God as we were entering into the field work in Ayer Tawar. The leaders sensed that there was disunity among us and we had 1 hour quiet retreat to reflect on anything that we did to offend or to cause the disunity among us. Later after that 1 hour the girls and guys gathered together separately in our own rooms and shared. I remembered the girls, most of us poured out a lot. Especially Eva. The girl we saw who was tough and really independent. She shared about her life when she had to move to Teluk Intan and stayed with her relatives and was separated with her parents. She cried. That would be our first time seeing her cry. Becky too. Some of us shared that during CNY break, we felt like outsiders; aliens to be more precise. 

         As the president of my Youth group in church, I came back knowing nothing and I was seriously the blur case. I felt horrible actually. It's a horrid-gible feeling. All of us felt that sort of rejection in a way. Coming back to the sharing...

           All of us shared before and after our trip to SMK Methodist CF meeting. We fellowshipped with them and got to know a few. I am struggling now with who is who. There were so many people we met and talked with. And it was such a short time! Going to a CF in a school really opened my eyes and I learned something new. It made me think back of the CF back in my school. I wonder whether they are still meeting up. 

         After the sharing... I can't exactly remember what happened. Oh man... now I can really feel the importance of journaling. Sheesh! But after resting and dinner, we had to practice for worship and the presentation. Oh yeah~ Now I remember what happened during the break. 

     Denise treated me to a manicure and did my hair. (Thanks Dee!!)

Ok... moving on to the night. I was the pianist for the worship. Although in between that week Samuel also played for Pastor during the prayer meeting. And as Ian was explaining the sequence of our presentation which was a medley of 4 songs: One Way, Running After You, The Time Has Come and Take It All. It was really cool! Yeah... As I was saying, during that time, they brought the cake and wala! The climax. Here's a photo of our cake.

That was all for my birthday. Although there was one unpleasant thing which I over-reacted about. But that's all resolved and in the past. When I got back, it was another story. 2 presents were waiting for me back home. One from a guy who had a crush on me when we were in form 2 and another one posted all the way from the USA, my penpal Melissa Kratz. 

From Daniel

From Melissa Krazt
(I love you!)

And not to forget my best friend in JS, Fong Su Ee... 

She gave me these...

From Fong Su Ee

And my best birthday present from God is my dad who drove the family up to Ayer Tawar for my graduation and commission. Thank you, heavenly Daddy...