AROUND THE CORNER

Many things are around the corner now.
First up the list is my finals. *sigh... I'm not ready yet and I think I'm preparing for it but I don't feel like I'm preparing for it. So many things are happening, so far since the 1st of October, I will have been to Logos Hope for 3 times. I feel a hint of emo-ness in this post. 
I have signed up for Maaduu. A website that shows legal and licensed Korean dramas for free. I thought I would enjoy watching a few but I'm actually quite bored of it already. They're quite some old dramas like Winter Sonata and Boys Over Flowers and Full House but I just don't seem to have the interest to watch them at the moment. It's really quite weird for me. Haha! It's actually a very good thing, come to think of it. I'll be able to concentrate more on my studies. I think my thought ans imagination is still lingering on the novel I found in my school library title: Shiver. It's a werewolf story. It's quite simple for my understanding of English usage and it's obviously addictive. Good thing I have't got my yellow card to borrow fictional and non-fictional books or else I would have spent my time reading finish the book. 
            Thank God that I wasn't sleepy at all during Maths tuition. That was really a first for me since I started tuition in August. Hmm... I wanna get a camera!

I finally have a DREAM

Whoa...
It's been seriously a long time since I have the "semangat" to write up a post.
Well, I'm listening to one of the 8 CDs I bought from Logos Hope; Kathryn Scott: I BELONG. I like her album. She has a really extraordinary voice. Pop and country type of voice blended together. The music's pretty too =)
All right, to the point I'm writing tonight. I finally have a Dream. A real dream. Something that will genuinely boost my spirits each time I think about it and something that motivates me to do my best in my studies. I want to serve on the Logos Hope.

Yeah, indeed, hope starts with you.

Logos Hope has berthed at the Star Cruise terminal in Port Klang and I've already been there twice in 4 days. Lovely isn't it? Haha! I just love the place, the ship! I made a new friend, well 2 exactly through my bubbly and blur friend Eugenie. One in particular has caught my interest as in she really has a unique personality and her passion for God is so deep that it even made me wanna be so passionate for God myself. Her name's Alyssa. And I'm super thankful that God has brought her into my life. I don't know when I've been crazy about Logos Hope. I guess it was because they came to my church last year and ministered to us. And I've been researching about it ever since together with OM Ministries. My heart for mission just grew and the passion there expanded.
        I really, really, really, really... x10 desire to serve on board that ship! 3 main reasons why I wanna be on that ship:

1. Staying on board that ship is a stepping stone to adapt myself to the mission environment. Eg: Limited source of water, living with 45 other nationalities.
2. Meeting new people where ever it berths. I love to explore the world and not just be stuck in Malaysia. It's time for me to go beyond the horizon.
3. I will be able to be part of something BIG: God's ministry. Logos Hope can seriously impact lives all over the world, where ever it berths. I want to be part and I want to contribute to that work of God has started with this ship.

There. This is my dream. I am completely honest and sincere for something that I really, really, desire for once in this entire life of mine. The thing is, I feel like my life at this point is starting to be like the ones in the movies where the parents object or there are many obstacles blocking the way. Well, I'm starting to pray about it now. And I'm praying that God will provide the finances and myself, physically, mentally and most importantly spiritually. Solely focusing on Jesus cause it's always about Him. 

Berthed beside the Star Cruise Virgo on Saturday (1/10)

Bro posing on the poser board.
As an engineer working in the engine room, I presume.

Highlight No. 1

It is honestly the most painful and horrifying and at the same time most memorable experience I ever had in my entire 18 years of life. Dengue. Spent 5 days in the hospital with having to take blood every six hours or so. But my first night in the hospital was almost as hell. There's this houseman punjabi doctor on call and he was the only doctor there in the ward. He had to take my blood test again just after like 15 minutes ago, I took another blood test. Seriously! He had big hands and was struggling to find my vein. After 5 attempts of poking and no blood coming out into the syringe, me squeaking on the verge of crying, my brother and mum's tense reaction, he finally agreed to take my blood from my hand instead from my arm. Imagine a mini knife stabbing your arm. That's how it was. 
          It all started with fever. Up and down. Until it got too long to be in my body so mum finally decided to send me to the clinic to take blood test. That result came out showing my platelet counts less than 150 000 (mine was: 110 000). So doctor said to come again the next day to see whether it increases or decreases. If it decreases, I'm going into the hospital. And well, obviously it decreased, to 77 000! So that Friday evening, I was admitted into the hospital. The IV tube insertion wasn't painful as many who experienced it described. It was very quick and I only felt a prick. Unlike the intensive blood tests during those 5 days. I came out looking like a drug addict who has blue-black marks on the arm. (That was what my good friend told me when she saw me in tuition)

          

            I feel so proud looking at this picture. Haha!
Besides all the physical stuff, I thank God for allowing me to be in the hospital. For the first time in all my remembrance, my dad stayed back during lunch hour to feed me cause I was too weak to eat myself and mum went back home to rest and do a few chores. I also got to observe the housemen and Medical Officers and the specialists work cause I, myself will one day have to work like them. Walking all the time from bed to bed, writing down observations based on the patient's conditions and kena scolding from your supervisor medical officer for giving your firm opinion. Yeah... Am I ready for that? At this moment, no. I am not. But if it's God's will for me to continue my studies in the medical field, then He will prepare me in every aspect: physically, emotionally and mentally. 
            This is the highlight of my life for the past 2 months since I've blogged. There is another highlight though. Will blog about it later. That one is so far the most amazing discovery of my 18 years of life. Just in 1 sentence: I have found another human being whose race is exactly like mine and my bro: Dad's a Myanmarese and Mum's a Chinese. Plus, he's a Christian too! XD

Restarting - Refreshing!

Being in Form 6 is a blast, I tell you. Especially when I decided to be a librarian. Being a librarian in High School Klang is no joke. We Form 6 students are assigned to specific tasks and I was placed in a group in charged of movie shows. I was selected as the secretary of that group and secretarial work is also a NO joke and NO play-play job. I handle every single thing that has to do with paper from letters, movie schedules, duty schedules and also contacting group members for meetings and reminders. Library month has started 3 days ago and so does everything else. Movie shows are going through smoothly so far, THANK GOD! 
             We have earned nearly to RM400 now which is quite a progress. Although we couldn't match to our seniors achievement which is RM300 the first day itself. I tried finding a picture of my school's library on the net but it seems that High Klang isn't that famous after all. Haha!
             Being super busy and tired ever since I decided to be a librarian, my quiet time spent with God has also decreased and I tell you, I've noticed that my behaviour has become more and more ungraceful and joyless; which is the total opposite thing of a Christian. I should be shinning not dimming darker and darker. That is why I've got to get back on track again. No matter whether my homework is piling up or not. I've gotta make time for God. Restarting and refreshing now... Lord, Your grace is enough!  

I'm A Librarian

Wow... It has been half a month since I've blogged. That shows that I'm either super busy or just plain lazy. Hehe... Well it's a combination of both. I'm so relieved that Youth Sunday in WMCK is over. I have received many, many, many good feedbacks about the presentation. ALL GLORY TO GOD! You must be blur... 


I was in charged of the presentation for Youth Sunday. I planned every single detail about the mini musical skit. From the script, to the songs used, to the video shooting and the dance moves. Besides that, dear Aunty Jane also helped to improvise and edit the script and help enhance the quality of the acting, dancing and narrating. Video shooting was a blast! So was the photo shoot. All our effort and hard work paid off. If only I could post up the slide show on this blog. Hmm...


I want to personally give credit to Gang Ming Jer for the excellent humourous line of Mrs. Young to Kyle~
Kyle: But, but, I'm scared of blood.
Mrs. Young: Blood, blood, blood. HAHA! Blood. You do chef also same thing. You do chicken chop, mutton chop; you chop the chicken and mutton all also got blood. 


SUPER FARNEY!! In case you're blur, the video's gonna be up soon, in a week's time. It's just so funny I was recording it and I was using all my will power not to laugh. That's the part on Youth Sunday. Will blog properly about it when the videos are out. Then you'll know what I'm blogging about. Haha!


Library.... School Library. They are killing me man! I was elected as the secretary of my group which is in charged for "Tayangan Filem" during the Library Month and I have to do nearly everything! (except the tickets) Contacting the members, hold meeting, type minutes, type letters, arrange the movie schedules and duty schedules and my laptop has been honoured to be used during the movie shows. Which means I have to bring it to school everyday for the next 3 weeks! Argh! Plus, I have Bio test tomorrow and I'm not completely prepared and I don't know how it's gonna be like. 
            One thing I realized throughout the weeks, God has been gracious and merciful to me. My Chemistry teacher has found favour in me. I started Maths T tuition last Thursday and Mr. Chan who is the teacher also a personal friend of the family sponsored my tuition fees for the whole term. How awesome can God get? And His protection on me all these while when I walked across the Klang bridge to church, back and forth and walking to tuition as well. God is indeed good! 


I will blog more in the future. Till then, these are the things I've gone through over the past few weeks. 

Life At The Moment

It's the school holidays now and it doesn't feel like the break I used to have after SPM. Haha! Of course it wouldn't be like that. My schedule's pack with loads of activities. 2 activities down at the moment: Photo shooting and my Driving's QTI test. (I passed!) Would have my P license after the holidays are over. Pray-tell I'll pass the real thing with the JPJ people. 
         2 unusually exciting things happened. No. 1: Weldon's birthday (ex-ketua of SOS). Thanks for Foon Yoong (a.k.a our ex-secretary) for organizing a mini youth outing to watch Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, we had loads of fun!

 It's a good movie. I laughed, quite a lot. 23 of us wanted to watch but there were only 16 tickets. So Yoong, Cally, Juan Wyn, Joel, Tevin and Wei Zheng sacrificed. (I can't remember who was the other one...) Before the movie we had lunch at Govin's. (I hope I didn't misspell) It's a Northen Indian Restaurant. Good food... Yum... 

My beloved SOS Youth. I will surely miss them in 2 years time. Oh well, and then it's the photo shoot which happened yesterday. I cannot show any of the pictures yet, but the video, I can. I think. Still, thinking about it. It was incredibly funny. That's all for now. 

Discipline

Thank God that Orientation Week in High School Klang is finally OVER!
I can finally put my head straight on the prize, the goal of scoring the best an STPM student can ever score: 4 FLATS. Yes, yes... Everybody is telling me what a killer STPM is. That was the same thing my secondary seniors told me about Add Maths, what a killer it is. And with that negative input in my brain, I struggled through the 2 years. It was only by the grace of God that I managed to last minute grasp the concept of Index Numbers on the day of the exam itself and managed to score a B. (which I have never accomplished before in my entire life)
            So, this time around in STPM, I'm not gonna let those comments about STPM get in the way. I will my best and discipline myself to the max to achieve my full potential. I ain't bragging, but I am born smart. In fact, no body on earth is born stupid. They have brains and their brains work well. The only honest comment I can give about my SPM result: I was lazy. Yeap, there you have it. The truth. 
           I am going to put in my best effort in disciplining my life now. The mission now is to do my best to accomplish the best, for the glory of God. 

Dear Lord,

thank you for this second chance to redeem myself from the failure of not disciplining myself last year. With your help and guidance, Lord; I want, I need, I am going to do my best this 1 and 1/2 years. Do accomplish what I can accomplish with my best effort. I cannot do this without you. I acknowledge it's gonna be a wild, rough ride. But with you, nothing is impossible. I believe! I believe!

Into your hands, I commit again

With all I am, for you Lord

You hold my world, in the palm of your hands

And I am yours forever...

Amen.

Orientation Week

High School Klang's Orientation Week is the most interesting and at the same time the most "pissing people off" one I've ever seen and been in. 
                     The first thing they did was to use the mic and yelled at us juniors. 
Day 1: Registration, taklimat, instructions to make firefly costume, signature book that uses almost 75 A4 papers. 

My Firefly costume

Day 2: More taklimat, wearing the costume the whole day, ordering us around, commanding us to greet seniors and seniors with special name tags and special posts; signature book check, more yelling, instructions on how to win signatures from seniors tomorrow, buy sweets! 


High School is nice. The environment is nice. The food is nice. And 3 different canteens, one Malay, 2 Chinese (cooked and served on plate food + bakery). Transferring to ACS would be done next week. Hmm... Will I miss High School? 

Plans

SMK Tinggi Klang (a.k.a High School Kang)
I am posted to this school to study form 6, but my mum and I have talked and thought about it, I'll need to transfer to ACS. The thing is, I need to wait stay 2 weeks in that school and only then I can apply for transfer and who knows how long that process is gonna take. 

The Main Building

Looks quite grand right? They have 3 different canteens. A single building for the library itself and form 6 students get a whole block to themselves out from the rest of the secondary students sight. So cool right? It is really a beautiful school. It's super BIG! I'm afraid that being in that school for 3 weeks will make me stay and not think about transferring. *sigh...
            I really like that school. The environment especially. It's an all boys school and yet, they are really clean! It can be considered ancient but still way much better than ACS. I've been to ACS a few times over the years and that school has a huge field and compound in the middle on the school. The office sucks though. The canteen is ordinary and the layout of the building is just simple unlike High School. I feel like sticking to High School now. And all this while I've been telling people that I want to go to ACS. 

The badge looks ugly though. 

I am really contemplating. What's most important is the teachers. Whether they are committed and dedicated to their work to teach us properly. Especially for me. I'm a little weak in Chemistry and Maths. I need real guidance and teaching that will make help me understand well. If the teachers don't teach well in High School, that's it; I am transferring out of there. 

Strangely Peaceful

I am actually free on a Saturday! Aha! This is crazy~

Normally, I am super jam pack during the weekends. I'm either having tambourine class, or worship practice both for Sunday Service and Youth. But today, I'm totally FREE!! Hahahaha! 

This is strangely satisfying. God is truly good to me. His forgiveness of sins, His grace is beyond abundant to me. 
            I had the most terrific time yesterday even though I was tired. 
I had lunch with my good friend and ex-secretary of SOS Youth: Gan Foon Yoong! and friend: Evelyn. We ate at Sakae and oh my goodness, that is the most expensive lunch I've ever had. I shouldn't have ordered the main course. Mum will kill me if she finds out how much I spent on that lunch. Then, we went to Popular. I finally got my very own Student card! Muahahaha! Bought Chemistry reference book. I've never been so interested in Chemistry before. The chapters sound easy but the explanation and everything is just so in depth. Scary... So I gotta get a head start or else I'm gonna be so BLUR in form 6. Then Evelyn had to go. Later, Yoong and I went to eat a doughnut and left to fetch Khai Meng! Then we went to Taman Rakyat and jogged/walked. I felt giddy. The surrounding kinda made me feel like as if I was in a dream. Scary... So we turned back from hiking and went to the flat mat and did some crazy kick-ups. Soon, we were choreographing moves for Youth Sunday performance! 
        Yoong and I had a very interesting conversation. Both of us are struggling with our emotions. It's terrible. But, I keep reminding myself, I'm only 18. My future is bright ahead of me. Wouldn't want guy problems to get in the way. =D
      After a quick bath, Charis came to pick me up from Yoong's place and met up with the college CG. I played Taboo first with the Ang siblings and Daniel Lee while Charis went back home to freshen up. After not playing Taboo for 8 years, I enjoyed playing despite being brain jam a few times. Ugh..! Tired. After P&W, we had Praise Report and we finally went to eat our dinner at the same Northen Indian restaurant aunty Susheela celebrated her birthday near Teluk Gadung. The food there was delicious. Mutton Keema Naan. Hmm... Brit brought her semi-pro camera along and Charis (the expert poser) was doing her thing. Haha! I had a wonderful time yesterday, especially hearing the praise reports. It's a wonderful reminder on how God is still so real in our lives. God is certainly faithful to us. 

Drifting

Easter is just around the corner. Why are my brothers and sisters drifting away? The spirit of the remembrance of Jesus' death and resurrection is so vibrant here in Klang. But it's not so where my brothers and sisters are. 

Please... do not lose focus on Christ.

Do not lower your guard against the evil one.

Be transformed with a constant renewing of your mind each day.

Do not feel guilty when you stop missing us.

Do not feel down because the big boys look down on you.

Continue this mission of life:

Fulfill the purpose of God that was placed in your life.

To win souls for Him.

To earn that crown of glory by finishing the race well.

To end it and be welcomed by God with these words:

"Well done, good and faithful servant"

Remember, "You are not alone. I am here with you. Though you're far away, I am here to say, you are not alone"

Even though these are the lyrics of one of MJ's songs, (I dislike MJ very much by the way) but in this situation now; it is what I want you guys to know. God bless =)

             

Things I Need

1. Laptop or desktop? 
2. Digital Camera
3. Acoustic guitar (plug-in or not?)
4. Colour pens ( plus shinny ones)
5. Alphabet stickers (for my form 6 notebooks titles)

Yes. This is me. I want to have a refreshed life; to turn over a new leaf when form 6 starts. I used the church's new computer to do some stuff and I love the speed! Which is why I want to get a brand new desktop or laptop! I just really want a genuine windows 7 with 4 - 8GB RAM, and 64-Bits! My dream... I hope I'll manage to get it this year. I cannot stand the slowness of the Windows XP or even my current laptop Windows 7 is deteriorating. What can I do to upgrade its speed and memory? Disc clean up and defragmenting does not help much. I remember learning in ICT class that there's another memory storage where it's all codes and you need to master in that area to know what you're doing. It's in the system and is something which is a whole lot different. Which is why I'm very interested to study that, besides Medic of course. 
          *sigh...
Speed is so important now a days. I can't stand slow tech! So I'm currently looking out for guitars and computers. Hoping to start the digital camera scout soon. 

This guitar takes me breath away!
So does the price! T.T

Dell SWITCH designs are really special! T.T

Lord, please lead me to good deals for all these items, Amen.

1st Genuine Quarrel With My Dad

It's been a long while since I've blogged. I think the blogging frenzy is dying down on everyone. But still, I feel that it's unfair especially to those who care about me. I've realized that the only effective way to actually know and get updated on everyone is through their blogs.


Something very exciting and unusual happened last night. Zan called dad to invited him for Easter this Sunday. And then the usual answer will be "See first." He said that he cannot promise. So I talked to him and our conversation turned into an argument and then a big quarrel. I never quarreled like that ever! Everything that I wanted to tell him, everything that was kept buried in me since the day he left us almost 3 years ago came out during that conversation. Usually, when we argue about God or about Mum, the thing is left hanging. But last night, I WON! I rendered him speechless at the end and from his loud raising voice from the very beginning of the conversation dimmed to a gentle soft voice when we ended it. Everything I had ever wanted to tell him even the content and things I left out in the letter I wrote during JS to him, was all spoken out. 


I feel so satisfied! =D


But then, the verse, the 5th commandment:
 Honour your father and mother and you will have a long life. 


I don't know. During the conversation, I really stood up for God all the way. Pointing out to him that he had made God so small, the God who created him, the God who saved him from death many times. I really hope that whatever I told him last night will trigger his mind because he made it quite clear that his life is meaningless and that the only reason he's alive is because he needs to find money to pay his promise of providing 1K for the family every month. Even that is so burdensome for him. Which is why he needs to go back to God. Depending on his own strength everyday is tiresome. He made that very clear. At least he acknowledges it. At least he realizes that but his solution is wrong. Hopefully our conversation hit something in his stoned heart. I hope the drought land of his heart has received at least a drop of water which will soften his heart. And at the moment, I pray that he'll be able to come for Easter! 

Lord! Please bring papa for Easter service! He needs to come back to you so that we can be a family again. Please... 

Amen.

Truly, He is GREAT, MIGHTY and AWESOME

Here in Your presence

We are undone

Here in Your presence

Heaven and earth become one

Here in Your presence

All things are new

Here in Your presence

Everything bows before You

3 things that made me realize how truly, seriously, BIG, GREAT, MIGHTY and AWESOME God is this past week. I participated in the "Read Through the Bible" Marathon which was an on-going thing (non-stop 24/7). I committed myself to read from 5.30-7am on Tuesday-Thursday. So on Tuesday morning, I was given the passage of 1 Kings chapter 9-11. And I read how the LORD was serious, handling and dealing with sinful people who do not follow His commands. Listening to the Word being read out, it dawn on me that God is seriously HOLY and not obeying Him has serious consequences to it even to the point of death. 

             The 2nd thing, right after the reading, I went out to refill my mug of water and suddenly when I opened the door I heard the birds chirping and the sky begin to light. It was dawn. And I suddenly felt the awesomeness of God! And I went to the entrance of the church and I saw the sunrise. (Our church is on a hill) It was glorious. And again, suddenly, I felt that I am SUPER small compared to God. I'm just a grain of sand when compared to the sea or even the sky! And yet, He sent His one and only son, Jesus to die for a grain of dirt like me. He loves me that much?? Why? Why would He? After that, I didn't dare look up to God. every time I prayed, I will look down, knowing that I'm worthless, beyond worthless. Seriously, God shouldn't have done what He did. Yet, it was done, it was finished. 

             The 3rd thing that made me open my eyes and made we realized fully how wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way God is. The song, Here in Your Presence. The lyrics are just SOOOO meaningful and beautiful and true of what it is when we're in God's presence. I was playing the guitar this morning for worship and this song was one of it and seriously, it's majestic! Hearing it again on youtube- Here in Your Presence I cried just listening and watching the people worship God. Simply amazing. 

                Therefore, after today's Youth AGM, I encouraged the new committee to truly realize that God is beyond BIG, GREAT, MIGHTY and AWESOME. And that He only deserves our best. I am now truly and sincerely motivated to study my best for form 6. And that my dream to go to Methodist College, KL can now be pushed aside and focus on form 6.  

Oh Lord, no words on earth can describe how BIG, GREAT, MIGHTY and AWESOME You are. My heart is humbled before You, knowing that I am only a grain of pure filth compared to You, O Holy God. Purify me, cleanse me, and use me for Your glory. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

"Ching Ming"

I had to blog about this even though 3 days had already passed from the event above. 


It was 7am and I woke up because of he urge to go ease myself. At the same time, mum received a call and I was thinking who on earth would call in the early morning. The I heard her say, "Aiyo... What time?" with a sadden tone. I started to panic a little because my friend's close uncle has cancer and it's pretty serious. So my mind was juggling with those kind of thoughts. After easing myself I came back and crash on my bed again. Then mum asked, "Children, you want to go visit your grandparents' grave or not?" 
          I was super reluctant at first and was very angry with "A-Yi" for calling on the last minute and disturbing my beauty sleep because I couldn't sleep early that night and ended up sleeping at 2am in the morning. I only had less that 5 hours of sleep T.T 
Then the question became a demand and Zan and I were forced to get up and get ready to go visit our grandparents' graves. The Christian department of Fairy Park was very peaceful even though we knew that 6 feet under contained many, many, many corpse and who know most of them had already turned into skeletons. But it was very peaceful. And I found out that Ama died when I was 5! not 6! We didn't do much at Ama's grave. 
       Oh! Relatives who were with us were: A-Ku, A-Kim, Ah Boon, and A-Yi. Right after that we went to Setia Alam, Great Oil Stick restaurant. Mum was driving, following Ah Boon's tail and they circled and circled around Setia Alam shops and finally found the place. It was A-Yi's idea to go there. So we had a lot of food and A LOT of Yu Char Kuey. Crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Hmm.. Mm.. Yummy!
      I saw that they had Bu Bu Cha Cha, and I immediately ordered that. 

Bu Bu Cha Cha

It wasn't as delicious as the one I had in Seremban in JS. Let me see if I have the picture of Su Ee eating it. 

Su Ee eating Bu Bu Cha Cha

Yeap, that's how yummy it looks like. Haha! So then after that average-late, heavy breakfast, we went to A-Kong's grave opposite Southern Park. He died when he was 37 and when Mum was 2 months and 12 days old. Seriously sad case for her. But she doesn't seem to be too sad about it. Since he was buried in/on a public land, we had to do the cleaning ourselves. Each of us took turns to sweep and cangkul the leaves and grass abd wash the tomb stone. I helped arranged the flowers and it was my first time doing it so A-Yi and A-Kim was like; "no, don't do it like that. Some must be short, some must be long, don't put such a big roll of newspaper. Cannot let people see wan la..." of course they spoke to me in Mandarin and well, I was happy that I came to visit the graves. 

A-Kong's grave & check out those flowers =P

Zan and Me

So yeah, that day was fruitful and right after that we visited "Tua-Yi" who was not feeling well (that was why she didn't join us). Right after that we had to send A-Yi back home to Rumahku and I slept there for a good solid hour. I was woken up by a call from University Malaya asking me my results and stuff. Well, sorry to disappoint them but I don't want to go to UM in the first place! A-Yi then blessed me with RM300 to prepare my going into Form 6. Seriously, she's the only one single among the 6 siblings and the richest among the 6 siblings. And thank God for her despite her authoritative spirit, God has healed her from cancer too. And she has been the one helping and blessing my family financially. 

Thank you Lord for A-Yi. AMEN!

Broken & Blessed

Jacob. SOS Youth Camp 2011 learned about Jacob. How God broke him so that he would not run away but face his problems and he was blessed right after that. Receiving my SPM results on the 23rd of March; I was super nervous. When I got my result, I was not surprised. I was not sad. I was just simply "stoned". 
          In my mind, I honestly expected to get 6 As. But I got 1 less. But in my heart, I've been hoping for a miracle. Like how God has shown his abundant grace to me through UPSR and PMR. He has blessed me so much. But SPM is different. I am no longer a kid. I'm growing up. I can really feel that God is raising me up through life's circumstances. 
          God broke and blessed me through my SPM results. He broke me through my poor results of Cs and Bs. I'm honestly quite happy with my results. It's just that the expectations from people especially those who had seen me grow in church. They saw my 5 As in UPSR and my 7 As in PMR. So they would of course see me as a bright student who will definitely do the same for SPM. I was seriously broken when I started to think,

• "What would they think of me?"
•  "What will they say?"
•  "They expect me to get straight, how would they respond when I tell them?"

 All these stupid questions started popping in my head.

           The moment I entered Papa's car, I cried looking at my result slip. (Which is somewhere around here =P) My hope to go to Methodist College is no longer there. That was actually my dream. In the end, I am going to STAR to do my Form 6. Reaching church that day, I went to aunty Jane to show her my slip. Finally, to Mama. She was obviously not satisfied and she told me that if I had worked harder, I could score the straight As. I agreed. But what's done is done and there's no use to scold me about the past. One thing on the down side of Mum is that her method of edifying, is not edifying at all. LOL! She challenges me by using what I did in the past, inputting regret. That, I really hate. 
           Continuing from the church office, I went up to the prayer room. I played the piano and sang a few songs of praises to God and when I couldn't take it much longer, I laid down flat on the carpet floor and cried, thanking God like 10 times. (I lost count) It's a really hard lesson for me to learn yet God was really gentle. The reality of me not being able to me admitted into a college was so saddening. And the fact that my laziness had caused me this. Indeed, I reap what I sow. Gently God taught me to be humble and to be more hardworking. 


         Now, to the blessing. The subject that I almost always failed, I got a B! I expected that to get a C but God blessed me anyways. And I got A1 for my GCE level (Cambridge). My English teacher called and told me that only Nandini and me got A1 for that. I was happy for that part. The only 2 who scored A1. And I got A for my BM too. Not attending Delta tuition for BM and still could score A was a total blessing from God. In fact, like I've mentioned before, I was the only one from my class who did not attend a single tuition. Getting 5 As is really a blessing. 
            Now, off to Form 6! I'm looking forward to it and I'm gonna make sure that it ain't gonna be the same in 2010. All glory to God in the highest! Amen!

I Can Face Tomorrow

Because He lives

I can face tomorrow
Because He lives
All fear is gone
Because I know, I know

He holds the future

And life is worth the living 

Just, because He lives

Indeed, I can face tomorrow, (SPM Result Day). 

Lord, you're so good. Even though I set out to seek other things to distract me from my nervousness and anxiety, you still wait for me until I turn to you for comfort, for assurance, for love. 

       God, how much more can I thank you? I can't thank you enough! Whatever it is on that piece of paper, I give thanks to You in advance, knowing that you hold my future and life is worth the living because Jesus, You LIVE! In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN!!

5 Loaves and 2 Fishes

I just have to blog about this!

Yesterday, I was browsing through www.ymiblogging.org and I was looking through the music department. Then I came across a music animated video of the song 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes. The song is beautiful and really it speaks to me. But I wasn't really into it even though it spoke to me. I was faced with reality yesterday concerning my future study after I get my SPM result. I really want to go to college especially Methodist College at the same time I do not want to borrow from anyone the money. 

             My mum got me and Zan this edu-save account in Hong Leong bank. We all thought that once we reached our 18th birthday we can retrieve the money that we have been saving since we could start walking. But No. We have to wait till our maturity date. And mine is in August! That would be too late for me to sign up for College! I was really angry and frustrated yesterday. And I really don't want to burden my parents any longer. Mum said "Your dad will find somehow find a way to have the money to send you to college."

              It saddens me just thinking about my dad spending money on my college. He already has to pay for my drivings class, and he told me he's gonna get me a car! And contact lenses. So many things to spend on. 

             Mum has already saved for me since I was 4. And the bank has been doing their job on taking RM20 every month from my savings for my education. And so calculating all that, I can afford to go to college to study A Levels. Mum asked me whether I would like to continue to Form 6. With being a doctor in my mind, I would need to study like mad if I want to score the 4 flat to enter into a medical school. Vennesa shared with us girls in JS that she was in depression and almost had to see the doctor because she wanted to venture into the medicine field. I do not want to be like that! 

           Coming back to 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes. 

Is God trying to tell me something? That even if I don't become a doctor, God can still use me in a very big way, as big as a doctor's service can be? Yesterday, that video. Today Our Daily Bread with the passage on John 6:4-14. The story of Jesus feeds the 5 thousand. Another time today. The article that goes with this verse shares about a Sunday School teacher who reached out to a young man who became an evangelist to evangelized to a man who now we know as Billy Graham. It all started with that Sunday School teacher. 

           So what is God speaking to me about this couple of days? I know deep down in my heart that God has created me with a purpose to do something big for Him with my life. Becoming a doctor is my first option and my priority one. Next a teacher. But what if God's will for me is neither? I can see that I can impact many people with becoming a doctor or a teacher.What if it's neither? I really need a clear cut answer. SPM results are coming out soon. Need to register into college soon after. 

            Oh Lord, my God. I need a clear answer from you.
5 Loaves and 2 Fishes...

I know Lord. I surrender. All my inhibition and ambitions. I surrender. Lord, you show me you will for my life. I just know that you have something big planned for me. And I feel the burden that Myanmar is part of it. Lord, let me rest in your peace and help me focus n\on you all the way through. Forbid me from planning my own future without you in the center of it. Forbid me from planning my future depending on my own strength and rejecting your guidance. Keep drawing me closer to you as I walk this path, planning and growing into my future.
 In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

This is the video of 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes.

A Very Interesting E-mail

Re-entry from Jeremiah wasn't so bad... except reconnecting with my mum. I don't know why, but my mum and I tend to quarrel a lot over small matters that don't matter at this present. 


Thinking of what to blog nowadays. Just can't get any inspiration and I think I am not used to staring at the laptop or monitor for quite a long time since I didn't do that for almost 2 months. But as I was determined to clear up my emails I came across one which is really cute and would love to share with all you readers out there. 


"What does LOVE mean?" by 4-8 year old kids

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

---

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

---

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

---

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

---

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

---

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

---

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

---

'Love is what's in the room with you atChristmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

---

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

---

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday..'

Noelle - age 7

---

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

---

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

---

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

---

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken..'

Elaine - age 5

---

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer thanRobert Redford.'

Chris - age 7

---

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

---

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

---

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

---

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6

---

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8

*************************************************************

See how cute and also meaningful these kids can be? I love a few of them especially Billy, Terri, Chris, Lauren and Mark's. Their's are the cutest of all! And this e-mail got me thinking as well. What does LOVE mean to me? This will help me be more patient towards my parents as they grow older. Need to be more sensitive towards their emotional needs particularly. God be my helper! 

Birthday at Jeremiah School

Really, my birthday in JS wasn't what I expected at all. To be really honest here, I was expecting something more grand than I usually have back home. Sure, there was cake and I also celebrated it with my bro in Christ Ian who was also born on the same day as me. But we were so busy that night; preparing for the presentation the next day to be presented to the congregation of Living Water Sanctuary. In the midst of planning they brought the cake and sand the song. That was the climax. Let me start from the beginning. 


       The girls were whispering to each other that night. I knew they were up to something. When I woke up on 19th of February, one by one wished me "Happy Birthday" and I was still in my sleeping bag. What the girls initially planned was to wake up at midnight and wish me Happy Birthday but failed cause everybody was too tired and they didn't hear Becky's alarm. Chris heard but Becky didn't and everybody just couldn't open their eyes. LOL! PLAN FAILED! 
              I called mum after doing my quiet time. Talked a lot and ended the conversation. Went back into the room and found a thick journal with a turquoise cover and the word "peace" on my sleeping bag. I flipped it through and it was mentoring group's gift to me with  4 pages of wishes from Venn, Bea, Becky and Dee. (Thanks you guys!) 
           Later the other mentoring group gave me another journal which design was more complex and it was thinner and smaller. Still, I loved it also. (Thanks Eva, Su Ee, Cindel, Rachael and Chris!) 

Left: My mentoring group,
Right: The other mentoring group

That whole day, I remember it was quite serious. Despite it was my birthday I still have to focus on God as we were entering into the field work in Ayer Tawar. The leaders sensed that there was disunity among us and we had 1 hour quiet retreat to reflect on anything that we did to offend or to cause the disunity among us. Later after that 1 hour the girls and guys gathered together separately in our own rooms and shared. I remembered the girls, most of us poured out a lot. Especially Eva. The girl we saw who was tough and really independent. She shared about her life when she had to move to Teluk Intan and stayed with her relatives and was separated with her parents. She cried. That would be our first time seeing her cry. Becky too. Some of us shared that during CNY break, we felt like outsiders; aliens to be more precise. 

         As the president of my Youth group in church, I came back knowing nothing and I was seriously the blur case. I felt horrible actually. It's a horrid-gible feeling. All of us felt that sort of rejection in a way. Coming back to the sharing...

           All of us shared before and after our trip to SMK Methodist CF meeting. We fellowshipped with them and got to know a few. I am struggling now with who is who. There were so many people we met and talked with. And it was such a short time! Going to a CF in a school really opened my eyes and I learned something new. It made me think back of the CF back in my school. I wonder whether they are still meeting up. 

         After the sharing... I can't exactly remember what happened. Oh man... now I can really feel the importance of journaling. Sheesh! But after resting and dinner, we had to practice for worship and the presentation. Oh yeah~ Now I remember what happened during the break. 

     Denise treated me to a manicure and did my hair. (Thanks Dee!!)

Ok... moving on to the night. I was the pianist for the worship. Although in between that week Samuel also played for Pastor during the prayer meeting. And as Ian was explaining the sequence of our presentation which was a medley of 4 songs: One Way, Running After You, The Time Has Come and Take It All. It was really cool! Yeah... As I was saying, during that time, they brought the cake and wala! The climax. Here's a photo of our cake.

That was all for my birthday. Although there was one unpleasant thing which I over-reacted about. But that's all resolved and in the past. When I got back, it was another story. 2 presents were waiting for me back home. One from a guy who had a crush on me when we were in form 2 and another one posted all the way from the USA, my penpal Melissa Kratz. 

From Daniel

From Melissa Krazt
(I love you!)

And not to forget my best friend in JS, Fong Su Ee... 

She gave me these...

From Fong Su Ee

And my best birthday present from God is my dad who drove the family up to Ayer Tawar for my graduation and commission. Thank you, heavenly Daddy...