Broken & Blessed

Jacob. SOS Youth Camp 2011 learned about Jacob. How God broke him so that he would not run away but face his problems and he was blessed right after that. Receiving my SPM results on the 23rd of March; I was super nervous. When I got my result, I was not surprised. I was not sad. I was just simply "stoned". 
          In my mind, I honestly expected to get 6 As. But I got 1 less. But in my heart, I've been hoping for a miracle. Like how God has shown his abundant grace to me through UPSR and PMR. He has blessed me so much. But SPM is different. I am no longer a kid. I'm growing up. I can really feel that God is raising me up through life's circumstances. 
          God broke and blessed me through my SPM results. He broke me through my poor results of Cs and Bs. I'm honestly quite happy with my results. It's just that the expectations from people especially those who had seen me grow in church. They saw my 5 As in UPSR and my 7 As in PMR. So they would of course see me as a bright student who will definitely do the same for SPM. I was seriously broken when I started to think,

• "What would they think of me?"
•  "What will they say?"
•  "They expect me to get straight, how would they respond when I tell them?"

 All these stupid questions started popping in my head.

           The moment I entered Papa's car, I cried looking at my result slip. (Which is somewhere around here =P) My hope to go to Methodist College is no longer there. That was actually my dream. In the end, I am going to STAR to do my Form 6. Reaching church that day, I went to aunty Jane to show her my slip. Finally, to Mama. She was obviously not satisfied and she told me that if I had worked harder, I could score the straight As. I agreed. But what's done is done and there's no use to scold me about the past. One thing on the down side of Mum is that her method of edifying, is not edifying at all. LOL! She challenges me by using what I did in the past, inputting regret. That, I really hate. 
           Continuing from the church office, I went up to the prayer room. I played the piano and sang a few songs of praises to God and when I couldn't take it much longer, I laid down flat on the carpet floor and cried, thanking God like 10 times. (I lost count) It's a really hard lesson for me to learn yet God was really gentle. The reality of me not being able to me admitted into a college was so saddening. And the fact that my laziness had caused me this. Indeed, I reap what I sow. Gently God taught me to be humble and to be more hardworking. 


         Now, to the blessing. The subject that I almost always failed, I got a B! I expected that to get a C but God blessed me anyways. And I got A1 for my GCE level (Cambridge). My English teacher called and told me that only Nandini and me got A1 for that. I was happy for that part. The only 2 who scored A1. And I got A for my BM too. Not attending Delta tuition for BM and still could score A was a total blessing from God. In fact, like I've mentioned before, I was the only one from my class who did not attend a single tuition. Getting 5 As is really a blessing. 
            Now, off to Form 6! I'm looking forward to it and I'm gonna make sure that it ain't gonna be the same in 2010. All glory to God in the highest! Amen!