Yesterday, I was browsing through www.ymiblogging.org and I was looking through the music department. Then I came across a music animated video of the song 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes. The song is beautiful and really it speaks to me. But I wasn't really into it even though it spoke to me. I was faced with reality yesterday concerning my future study after I get my SPM result. I really want to go to college especially Methodist College at the same time I do not want to borrow from anyone the money.
My mum got me and Zan this edu-save account in Hong Leong bank. We all thought that once we reached our 18th birthday we can retrieve the money that we have been saving since we could start walking. But No. We have to wait till our maturity date. And mine is in August! That would be too late for me to sign up for College! I was really angry and frustrated yesterday. And I really don't want to burden my parents any longer. Mum said "Your dad will find somehow find a way to have the money to send you to college."
It saddens me just thinking about my dad spending money on my college. He already has to pay for my drivings class, and he told me he's gonna get me a car! And contact lenses. So many things to spend on.
Mum has already saved for me since I was 4. And the bank has been doing their job on taking RM20 every month from my savings for my education. And so calculating all that, I can afford to go to college to study A Levels. Mum asked me whether I would like to continue to Form 6. With being a doctor in my mind, I would need to study like mad if I want to score the 4 flat to enter into a medical school. Vennesa shared with us girls in JS that she was in depression and almost had to see the doctor because she wanted to venture into the medicine field. I do not want to be like that!
Coming back to 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes.
Is God trying to tell me something? That even if I don't become a doctor, God can still use me in a very big way, as big as a doctor's service can be? Yesterday, that video. Today Our Daily Bread with the passage on John 6:4-14. The story of Jesus feeds the 5 thousand. Another time today. The article that goes with this verse shares about a Sunday School teacher who reached out to a young man who became an evangelist to evangelized to a man who now we know as Billy Graham. It all started with that Sunday School teacher.
So what is God speaking to me about this couple of days? I know deep down in my heart that God has created me with a purpose to do something big for Him with my life. Becoming a doctor is my first option and my priority one. Next a teacher. But what if God's will for me is neither? I can see that I can impact many people with becoming a doctor or a teacher.What if it's neither? I really need a clear cut answer. SPM results are coming out soon. Need to register into college soon after.
Oh Lord, my God. I need a clear answer from you.
5 Loaves and 2 Fishes...
5 Loaves and 2 Fishes...
I know Lord. I surrender. All my inhibition and ambitions. I surrender. Lord, you show me you will for my life. I just know that you have something big planned for me. And I feel the burden that Myanmar is part of it. Lord, let me rest in your peace and help me focus n\on you all the way through. Forbid me from planning my own future without you in the center of it. Forbid me from planning my future depending on my own strength and rejecting your guidance. Keep drawing me closer to you as I walk this path, planning and growing into my future.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
This is the video of 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes.
Do not worry, as long you put God first in everything, He will honor you. MCKL is definitely a better option compare to doing form 6. A level is much easier than form 6, especially the one you'll may be studying ( a level edexcel) is a modular exam. Meaning every semester you only take the certain units you studied. But exam fees are expensive. Still, my dad told me do not worry about the financial needs, trust in the Lord and He will provide. Oh by the way when you come into MCKL, by then i will graduate already. If there's anything you can ask me. =)
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