Things I Need

1. Laptop or desktop? 
2. Digital Camera
3. Acoustic guitar (plug-in or not?)
4. Colour pens ( plus shinny ones)
5. Alphabet stickers (for my form 6 notebooks titles)

Yes. This is me. I want to have a refreshed life; to turn over a new leaf when form 6 starts. I used the church's new computer to do some stuff and I love the speed! Which is why I want to get a brand new desktop or laptop! I just really want a genuine windows 7 with 4 - 8GB RAM, and 64-Bits! My dream... I hope I'll manage to get it this year. I cannot stand the slowness of the Windows XP or even my current laptop Windows 7 is deteriorating. What can I do to upgrade its speed and memory? Disc clean up and defragmenting does not help much. I remember learning in ICT class that there's another memory storage where it's all codes and you need to master in that area to know what you're doing. It's in the system and is something which is a whole lot different. Which is why I'm very interested to study that, besides Medic of course. 
          *sigh...
Speed is so important now a days. I can't stand slow tech! So I'm currently looking out for guitars and computers. Hoping to start the digital camera scout soon. 

This guitar takes me breath away!
So does the price! T.T

Dell SWITCH designs are really special! T.T

Lord, please lead me to good deals for all these items, Amen.

1st Genuine Quarrel With My Dad

It's been a long while since I've blogged. I think the blogging frenzy is dying down on everyone. But still, I feel that it's unfair especially to those who care about me. I've realized that the only effective way to actually know and get updated on everyone is through their blogs.


Something very exciting and unusual happened last night. Zan called dad to invited him for Easter this Sunday. And then the usual answer will be "See first." He said that he cannot promise. So I talked to him and our conversation turned into an argument and then a big quarrel. I never quarreled like that ever! Everything that I wanted to tell him, everything that was kept buried in me since the day he left us almost 3 years ago came out during that conversation. Usually, when we argue about God or about Mum, the thing is left hanging. But last night, I WON! I rendered him speechless at the end and from his loud raising voice from the very beginning of the conversation dimmed to a gentle soft voice when we ended it. Everything I had ever wanted to tell him even the content and things I left out in the letter I wrote during JS to him, was all spoken out. 


I feel so satisfied! =D


But then, the verse, the 5th commandment:
 Honour your father and mother and you will have a long life. 


I don't know. During the conversation, I really stood up for God all the way. Pointing out to him that he had made God so small, the God who created him, the God who saved him from death many times. I really hope that whatever I told him last night will trigger his mind because he made it quite clear that his life is meaningless and that the only reason he's alive is because he needs to find money to pay his promise of providing 1K for the family every month. Even that is so burdensome for him. Which is why he needs to go back to God. Depending on his own strength everyday is tiresome. He made that very clear. At least he acknowledges it. At least he realizes that but his solution is wrong. Hopefully our conversation hit something in his stoned heart. I hope the drought land of his heart has received at least a drop of water which will soften his heart. And at the moment, I pray that he'll be able to come for Easter! 

Lord! Please bring papa for Easter service! He needs to come back to you so that we can be a family again. Please... 

Amen.

Truly, He is GREAT, MIGHTY and AWESOME

Here in Your presence

We are undone

Here in Your presence

Heaven and earth become one

Here in Your presence

All things are new

Here in Your presence

Everything bows before You

3 things that made me realize how truly, seriously, BIG, GREAT, MIGHTY and AWESOME God is this past week. I participated in the "Read Through the Bible" Marathon which was an on-going thing (non-stop 24/7). I committed myself to read from 5.30-7am on Tuesday-Thursday. So on Tuesday morning, I was given the passage of 1 Kings chapter 9-11. And I read how the LORD was serious, handling and dealing with sinful people who do not follow His commands. Listening to the Word being read out, it dawn on me that God is seriously HOLY and not obeying Him has serious consequences to it even to the point of death. 

             The 2nd thing, right after the reading, I went out to refill my mug of water and suddenly when I opened the door I heard the birds chirping and the sky begin to light. It was dawn. And I suddenly felt the awesomeness of God! And I went to the entrance of the church and I saw the sunrise. (Our church is on a hill) It was glorious. And again, suddenly, I felt that I am SUPER small compared to God. I'm just a grain of sand when compared to the sea or even the sky! And yet, He sent His one and only son, Jesus to die for a grain of dirt like me. He loves me that much?? Why? Why would He? After that, I didn't dare look up to God. every time I prayed, I will look down, knowing that I'm worthless, beyond worthless. Seriously, God shouldn't have done what He did. Yet, it was done, it was finished. 

             The 3rd thing that made me open my eyes and made we realized fully how wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way God is. The song, Here in Your Presence. The lyrics are just SOOOO meaningful and beautiful and true of what it is when we're in God's presence. I was playing the guitar this morning for worship and this song was one of it and seriously, it's majestic! Hearing it again on youtube- Here in Your Presence I cried just listening and watching the people worship God. Simply amazing. 

                Therefore, after today's Youth AGM, I encouraged the new committee to truly realize that God is beyond BIG, GREAT, MIGHTY and AWESOME. And that He only deserves our best. I am now truly and sincerely motivated to study my best for form 6. And that my dream to go to Methodist College, KL can now be pushed aside and focus on form 6.  

Oh Lord, no words on earth can describe how BIG, GREAT, MIGHTY and AWESOME You are. My heart is humbled before You, knowing that I am only a grain of pure filth compared to You, O Holy God. Purify me, cleanse me, and use me for Your glory. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

"Ching Ming"

I had to blog about this even though 3 days had already passed from the event above. 


It was 7am and I woke up because of he urge to go ease myself. At the same time, mum received a call and I was thinking who on earth would call in the early morning. The I heard her say, "Aiyo... What time?" with a sadden tone. I started to panic a little because my friend's close uncle has cancer and it's pretty serious. So my mind was juggling with those kind of thoughts. After easing myself I came back and crash on my bed again. Then mum asked, "Children, you want to go visit your grandparents' grave or not?" 
          I was super reluctant at first and was very angry with "A-Yi" for calling on the last minute and disturbing my beauty sleep because I couldn't sleep early that night and ended up sleeping at 2am in the morning. I only had less that 5 hours of sleep T.T 
Then the question became a demand and Zan and I were forced to get up and get ready to go visit our grandparents' graves. The Christian department of Fairy Park was very peaceful even though we knew that 6 feet under contained many, many, many corpse and who know most of them had already turned into skeletons. But it was very peaceful. And I found out that Ama died when I was 5! not 6! We didn't do much at Ama's grave. 
       Oh! Relatives who were with us were: A-Ku, A-Kim, Ah Boon, and A-Yi. Right after that we went to Setia Alam, Great Oil Stick restaurant. Mum was driving, following Ah Boon's tail and they circled and circled around Setia Alam shops and finally found the place. It was A-Yi's idea to go there. So we had a lot of food and A LOT of Yu Char Kuey. Crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Hmm.. Mm.. Yummy!
      I saw that they had Bu Bu Cha Cha, and I immediately ordered that. 

Bu Bu Cha Cha

It wasn't as delicious as the one I had in Seremban in JS. Let me see if I have the picture of Su Ee eating it. 

Su Ee eating Bu Bu Cha Cha

Yeap, that's how yummy it looks like. Haha! So then after that average-late, heavy breakfast, we went to A-Kong's grave opposite Southern Park. He died when he was 37 and when Mum was 2 months and 12 days old. Seriously sad case for her. But she doesn't seem to be too sad about it. Since he was buried in/on a public land, we had to do the cleaning ourselves. Each of us took turns to sweep and cangkul the leaves and grass abd wash the tomb stone. I helped arranged the flowers and it was my first time doing it so A-Yi and A-Kim was like; "no, don't do it like that. Some must be short, some must be long, don't put such a big roll of newspaper. Cannot let people see wan la..." of course they spoke to me in Mandarin and well, I was happy that I came to visit the graves. 

A-Kong's grave & check out those flowers =P

Zan and Me

So yeah, that day was fruitful and right after that we visited "Tua-Yi" who was not feeling well (that was why she didn't join us). Right after that we had to send A-Yi back home to Rumahku and I slept there for a good solid hour. I was woken up by a call from University Malaya asking me my results and stuff. Well, sorry to disappoint them but I don't want to go to UM in the first place! A-Yi then blessed me with RM300 to prepare my going into Form 6. Seriously, she's the only one single among the 6 siblings and the richest among the 6 siblings. And thank God for her despite her authoritative spirit, God has healed her from cancer too. And she has been the one helping and blessing my family financially. 

Thank you Lord for A-Yi. AMEN!

Broken & Blessed

Jacob. SOS Youth Camp 2011 learned about Jacob. How God broke him so that he would not run away but face his problems and he was blessed right after that. Receiving my SPM results on the 23rd of March; I was super nervous. When I got my result, I was not surprised. I was not sad. I was just simply "stoned". 
          In my mind, I honestly expected to get 6 As. But I got 1 less. But in my heart, I've been hoping for a miracle. Like how God has shown his abundant grace to me through UPSR and PMR. He has blessed me so much. But SPM is different. I am no longer a kid. I'm growing up. I can really feel that God is raising me up through life's circumstances. 
          God broke and blessed me through my SPM results. He broke me through my poor results of Cs and Bs. I'm honestly quite happy with my results. It's just that the expectations from people especially those who had seen me grow in church. They saw my 5 As in UPSR and my 7 As in PMR. So they would of course see me as a bright student who will definitely do the same for SPM. I was seriously broken when I started to think,

• "What would they think of me?"
•  "What will they say?"
•  "They expect me to get straight, how would they respond when I tell them?"

 All these stupid questions started popping in my head.

           The moment I entered Papa's car, I cried looking at my result slip. (Which is somewhere around here =P) My hope to go to Methodist College is no longer there. That was actually my dream. In the end, I am going to STAR to do my Form 6. Reaching church that day, I went to aunty Jane to show her my slip. Finally, to Mama. She was obviously not satisfied and she told me that if I had worked harder, I could score the straight As. I agreed. But what's done is done and there's no use to scold me about the past. One thing on the down side of Mum is that her method of edifying, is not edifying at all. LOL! She challenges me by using what I did in the past, inputting regret. That, I really hate. 
           Continuing from the church office, I went up to the prayer room. I played the piano and sang a few songs of praises to God and when I couldn't take it much longer, I laid down flat on the carpet floor and cried, thanking God like 10 times. (I lost count) It's a really hard lesson for me to learn yet God was really gentle. The reality of me not being able to me admitted into a college was so saddening. And the fact that my laziness had caused me this. Indeed, I reap what I sow. Gently God taught me to be humble and to be more hardworking. 


         Now, to the blessing. The subject that I almost always failed, I got a B! I expected that to get a C but God blessed me anyways. And I got A1 for my GCE level (Cambridge). My English teacher called and told me that only Nandini and me got A1 for that. I was happy for that part. The only 2 who scored A1. And I got A for my BM too. Not attending Delta tuition for BM and still could score A was a total blessing from God. In fact, like I've mentioned before, I was the only one from my class who did not attend a single tuition. Getting 5 As is really a blessing. 
            Now, off to Form 6! I'm looking forward to it and I'm gonna make sure that it ain't gonna be the same in 2010. All glory to God in the highest! Amen!

I Can Face Tomorrow

Because He lives

I can face tomorrow
Because He lives
All fear is gone
Because I know, I know

He holds the future

And life is worth the living 

Just, because He lives

Indeed, I can face tomorrow, (SPM Result Day). 

Lord, you're so good. Even though I set out to seek other things to distract me from my nervousness and anxiety, you still wait for me until I turn to you for comfort, for assurance, for love. 

       God, how much more can I thank you? I can't thank you enough! Whatever it is on that piece of paper, I give thanks to You in advance, knowing that you hold my future and life is worth the living because Jesus, You LIVE! In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN!!

5 Loaves and 2 Fishes

I just have to blog about this!

Yesterday, I was browsing through www.ymiblogging.org and I was looking through the music department. Then I came across a music animated video of the song 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes. The song is beautiful and really it speaks to me. But I wasn't really into it even though it spoke to me. I was faced with reality yesterday concerning my future study after I get my SPM result. I really want to go to college especially Methodist College at the same time I do not want to borrow from anyone the money. 

             My mum got me and Zan this edu-save account in Hong Leong bank. We all thought that once we reached our 18th birthday we can retrieve the money that we have been saving since we could start walking. But No. We have to wait till our maturity date. And mine is in August! That would be too late for me to sign up for College! I was really angry and frustrated yesterday. And I really don't want to burden my parents any longer. Mum said "Your dad will find somehow find a way to have the money to send you to college."

              It saddens me just thinking about my dad spending money on my college. He already has to pay for my drivings class, and he told me he's gonna get me a car! And contact lenses. So many things to spend on. 

             Mum has already saved for me since I was 4. And the bank has been doing their job on taking RM20 every month from my savings for my education. And so calculating all that, I can afford to go to college to study A Levels. Mum asked me whether I would like to continue to Form 6. With being a doctor in my mind, I would need to study like mad if I want to score the 4 flat to enter into a medical school. Vennesa shared with us girls in JS that she was in depression and almost had to see the doctor because she wanted to venture into the medicine field. I do not want to be like that! 

           Coming back to 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes. 

Is God trying to tell me something? That even if I don't become a doctor, God can still use me in a very big way, as big as a doctor's service can be? Yesterday, that video. Today Our Daily Bread with the passage on John 6:4-14. The story of Jesus feeds the 5 thousand. Another time today. The article that goes with this verse shares about a Sunday School teacher who reached out to a young man who became an evangelist to evangelized to a man who now we know as Billy Graham. It all started with that Sunday School teacher. 

           So what is God speaking to me about this couple of days? I know deep down in my heart that God has created me with a purpose to do something big for Him with my life. Becoming a doctor is my first option and my priority one. Next a teacher. But what if God's will for me is neither? I can see that I can impact many people with becoming a doctor or a teacher.What if it's neither? I really need a clear cut answer. SPM results are coming out soon. Need to register into college soon after. 

            Oh Lord, my God. I need a clear answer from you.
5 Loaves and 2 Fishes...

I know Lord. I surrender. All my inhibition and ambitions. I surrender. Lord, you show me you will for my life. I just know that you have something big planned for me. And I feel the burden that Myanmar is part of it. Lord, let me rest in your peace and help me focus n\on you all the way through. Forbid me from planning my own future without you in the center of it. Forbid me from planning my future depending on my own strength and rejecting your guidance. Keep drawing me closer to you as I walk this path, planning and growing into my future.
 In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

This is the video of 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes.